With notes
As we close out the camp, one of the most important things we do is write affirmations. Each participant, LIT and staff member has a brown paper bag with his or her name on it, and everyone has the opportunity to write notes to other people at camp to let them know what they’ve learned from and appreciate about one another. I still have my affirmation bags from my two years as a participant and LIT, and I am looking forward to reading the notes I have this year. I noticed some mysterious person stuck a songbook in my bag. It’s hard to put down in words what people who have changed my life forever mean to me. I struggled to write to the participants, especially my cabin and dialogue group, because they have so deeply inspired me throughout the two weeks. I haven’t even started to write to the staff yet, since we are still here for two days of debrief. But these notes are so powerful, small reminders that individuals we may never meet again love us deeply.

To ourselves
In our last dialogue group meeting, David and I asked the participants to write self-affirmations, a bit of a break from the hectic process of writing to others. We gave them five minutes of silence to consider how they had inspired themselves during the two weeks and what they would take forward. It was brilliant to hear them express their growth and optimism with each other. But a couple of them struggled to write for to themselves, so I asked two members of the group to verbally affirm those individuals. Yousef, a Muslim who moved from Egypt to Northern Ireland when he was young, was one who said he couldn’t think of anything to write to himself. Two people offered to affirm him: Dani, a Jew from Israel who will one day join the Israeli Defense Force; and Rael, a South African Jew who spoke many times of his connection to Israel. They both spoke of how much they cared about Yousef, what a great listener he was and how much he had impacted them. I was overwhelmed with a realization of how substantially we had broken down the barriers of the “us-them” mentality and become individuals and friends to one another. Their love is mightier than war and bigger than nationalist borders.

In a circle
On Saturday night, our last night together, after a talent show in which participants and staff showcased our diverse skills, we had a closing circle with all 100 of us. Each person had a chance to share how the camp impacted them. Through laughter and tears, and with the support of the brilliant community we created, everyone offered a small statement of appreciation. As a member of that community, it was so difficult to articulate how much I learned. When I came as staff, I expected to give of myself and teach others, when in fact I felt inspired and transformed. Every other person in the circle expressed the same feelings, and it brought us all even closer. We spent the rest of the night writing affirmations and having last conversations, and most of us didn’t sleep - a group of us went to the boat house to watch the sunrise together, to watch the dawn come up on our last day.

Through tears
Sunday morning, we sent them off, and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. David, a participant from South Africa, asked me “How do you get us all to cry like this? We’re all teenagers who never cry.” My answer was simple: “We bring you together, make you fall in love with each other, and then force you to leave.” They departed from the top of the hill by the peace pole by region, and the South Africans didn’t leave until very early Monday morning. With each departure we all became a mess of tears, hugs, last “thank yous” and that horrible word, goodbye. There really isn’t much good about that word, especially when saying it to people you may never see again. But as I said adieu to Catherine, a Northern Irish participant in my dialogue group, she squeezed me tight and said “It’s not really a proper goodbye, because even if we don’t see each other again you’re in my heart.”

And she’s right, of course. There are friends I’ve made in my years at Face to Face who I haven’t spoken to since our days in the program together, but they are still the individuals I think of when I need to remember that someone truly loves me for everything I am, no matter what I do, and I feel the same way about them. The relationships we build here are not normal friendships, not even normal best-friendships. There is something deeper, and it’s impossible to explain. Throughout the two weeks, we’ve leaned on each other (and sang about it!) in ways that most of us didn’t know we needed to lean on someone, and we’ve come out stronger for it. That strength will carry us forward as we continue to create the ripples that change our communities across four continents. And the thing that makes it easier is knowing that across those four continents, there are other human beings who love us.

With my heart bursting,
Audrey